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It’s easy to tell someone to look on the bright side. Those people can easily tell you to do the same. But it’s not that easy, is it? Let’s talk about some of the common barriers to positive thinking.
Sometimes I write these blog posts by the seat of my pants.
Well, actually, that’s more like 90% of the time. I’m a ”pantser,” meaning that I don’t usually outline. So, often when I write posts about mental health or how to set goals and the like, I’m writing for myself as well.
It’s good practice to write your thoughts and feelings out. By following The Artist’s Way, I did this often. I was doing daily morning pages for a long time, but I’ve let that habit slip.
Today I felt it was important to remember to empathize when you, or those around you, can’t just look to the bright side so easily. We all experience different barriers to positive thinking, and a reminder of what those barriers might look like is useful on occasion.
1. You try to control everything around you.
Don’t worry, this is a safe space. You can be honest if this is you. (It’s me, too).
Those of us who suffer from anxiety, in particular, tend to want to control the things and situations around us. So, it’s only natural that when someone is out of our control, we might spiral a bit.
If your loved ones want to support you, or vice versa, it’ll likely take more than telling them it’ll be okay.
Personally, I find talking the situation out in a way that makes it unequivocally clear that there’s nothing I can do about the situation tends to help. When I feel like I fulfilled my control to the best of my ability, I can breathe a little easier.
2. You’re living in the past, or in the future.
What’s past is prologue, friends. My favourite Shakespeare quote. And there’s no sense worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Some very supportive people in my life often tell me to ”not borrow worry,” and it’s apt.
Focusing on anything but the moment we’re in, and what’s going on now, won’t do anything to help the situation you’re in.
It sounds a little laisser-faire, but it’s important to live in the moment.
Otherwise, once that moment is gone, you’ll wonder where it went. And probably obsess about that, too.
Happiness is in the now.
3. You worry about what other people think.
You are your most important critic. Remember that.
Worrying, feeling anxious, or being upset about something you were okay with, just because someone else isn’t as happy with it, isn’t something you need to deal with.
In writing my novel, I’ve found myself worrying about whether some scenes or topics might upset people. But after some soul searching, I’ve realized that I have to be authentic to the story I want to tell. I can think positively about it because as much as I want other people to like it, I won’t sacrifice my happiness because I want to please everyone.
And, spoiler alert: you cannot and will not ever please everyone.
4. You think you ”should” think positively.
Sometimes the worst barriers to positive thinking are your own insistence that your negativity just shouldn’t be a thing. You need to accept how you feel, actually let yourself feel the emotion, and let it go.
There’s no ”shoulds” to concern yourself with. We ”should” all be happy, healthy, rich, emotionally stable, thriving, happy with our careers, etc, etc etc. But that’s not how life works.
Sometimes what we ”should” do is accept life for what it is, messy though that may be.
5. You think in terms of “I cannot.”
From the offset, if we think in negatives, we’ll have a real hard time turning that around. It’s a tough habit to work around, but once you stop turning down opportunities because you think “no, I can’t write a novel,” or “no, I can’t speak in front of a crowd,” you allow yourself to see the opportunity rather than fight it. Positive affirmations can help with this.
The more we use negative self-talk, the more we intrinsically believe it. If you rag on yourself for how you look, your level of fitness, the quality of your writing, or anything else, trying to see the bright side can be very difficult. Removing “can’t” from your vocabulary will go a long way to helping you see what you can do.
And you can do so much more than you realize.
Final Thoughts
I really needed this today, and I’m hoping some of you needed it too. It’s tough when positive thinking seems nearly impossible and the people around us try to help by saying the little things like “it’ll be okay,” or “how can I help?” These comments might be coming from a genuine place, but it’s hard to form a productive response when you’re not in the right headspace.
Do you have any other tips for looking at the bright side? Let me know in the comments, or find me on social media!
It’s a good day to have a good day. <3