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Have you ever been told to choose your hard? To choose your hard is to acknowledge that inaction takes effort much the same way action does. If you’re wasting energy by not doing something, you can refocus that energy into doing it instead, and work toward your goals.
I won’t lie to you, my friends, the past month hasn’t been easy. There were times I felt like a hypocrite, a failure, an imposter, and everything in between. It’s been a hard month, during which I haven’t been doing self-care, I haven’t been writing, and I’ve barely given any productive thoughts to my own goals because it was “easier” not to. Again, a hard month.
So, if not prioritizing myself and my goals is taking a toll on me, why not refocus the energy into actually working on things?
Hey, look! We’ve come full circle! I decided to choose my hard.
Here’s how you can do the same.
Step One: Identify the obstacle(s).
There are many things I could blame for why I’ve spent the last month not doing anything creative.
It’s winter and I just wanted to be cozy and lazy.
I said I’d take a break from my novel, so I did just that.
I prioritized playing video games and spending time with family.
Let’s get real for a second— all of the above are things that happened, but they’re also not the real obstacle.
The real obstacle was me.
During NaNoWriMo, I prioritized my writing. I set aside time throughout the day to solely focus on writing. When I took a break from that, I lost my routine.
When it came time to get back into it (I told myself I’d pick it up again in January), I saw all the ”wasted time” and thought poorly of myself.
Enter: anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, ADHD. I struggled to get back into any of the things that brought me joy. And I blamed all kinds of circumstances. I even started to let other habits slip that I hadn’t yet dropped at that point— like my daily morning pages for The Artist’s Way.
Until I realized I’m the one to blame.
Think critically about how you feel when you sit down to work on your goals but can’t bring yourself to do the work. What comes to mind? Acknowledging the cause of your attitude shift is step one.
Step Two: What are you going to do about it?
After you choose your hard, and know what caused your mindset change, what’s next?
We need to figure out an action plan.
How does one get out of one’s own way?
Consider when things were good; what did your routine look like? Think back on that and try to replicate it as best you can.
For me, that means waking up a little earlier to work on my novel, and working on my blog during my lunch hour. My evenings can then be spent working on these things too, or spending time with my loved ones, without any guilt.
If you’re a schedule kind of person, start a fresh planner and slowly work things back in.
If your obstacle is bigger than just you, if it’s something you can’t process on your own, ask for help. Be it from a friend, a counselor, someone else you trust— ask for help. There’s zero shame in that. In fact, you deserve the help.
Step Three: Consider your catalyst, and avoid repetition.
Was there something that triggered your fall from the proverbial wagon? Pinpoint where things started to change, and take action to avoid it happening again.
I’ve learned I don’t do well with taking breaks from projects. It’s okay if you’re the kind of person who needs a few days away from your passion every so often, and it’s okay if you’re not. I felt like my internal candle was blown out, and it was hard to light it again.
The flame is still flickering, but I’m trying.
Was the catalyst an event, or a person? One thing I strongly believe in is surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy, and who nurture your energy. If you’re walking on eggshells around your family and friends because of their negative energy, it’s okay to separate yourself from that and find people who mesh better with you.
Bonus Tips
A few extra options to consider if you’re working on relighting or fanning your flame:
- Use affirmations if you’re struggling to believe in yourself and your worth.
- Journal.
- Put reminders in your phone or on your calendar to work on your goals.
- Tell others what you need from them— if you need to cancel plans, they’ll understand. If you can’t commit to being on the staff social committee at work, talk to the rest of the committee. Heck, if you feel like you can’t host the monthly family dinner, don’t worry about what your mom will think. Do whatever you need.
- Do a weekly reset. This will look different for everyone, but take some time once a week to think about how the previous week went, and what you’d like to get done in the coming week. Always have an action plan.
Final Thoughts
Not writing in a month doesn’t make me an imposter.
Slacking on my self-care doesn’t make me a hypocrite.
Not having my second draft finished doesn’t make me a failure.
I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, and so are you. Know when it’s time to turn the steering wheel and get back in your lane. The journey to your goals will have some off-ramps, but if you refocus and choose your hard, you can figure out how to get back en route.
It’s a good day to have a good day. <3